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I don't want my anxiety to take control. It doesn't control me.

I'm so glad I have my daughter, friends, and family to talk to.

Learning to breath when I feel anxious. Curb it into a better feeling.


This weekend was a fantastic weekend. 
My anxiety levels have increased since the sudden passing of my friend Rosanna and Grandmother. I find myself being axnious about not knowing what could happen. I'm more frieghtend and nervous over the things I cannot control. It's getting to the point now where it's effecting me negativly on a physical level. I have shortness of breath, my chest feels tight, I have nots in my stomach, feel increasing tired/drained. These symptoms aren't extreme but they are present and they are quiet annoying.  On a more positive note, since the sudden passing of my Grandmother and friend it has zapped me of all my depression. It has given me a a new found sense of appreciation of life and those that I care about. I've been going out of my way to isolate myself less by surrounding myself with friends and motivating myself to do more with myself rather then sit and stew. I guess it's true when they say you can turn a negative into a positive. While I do still feel incredibly sad over the sudden lose of a friend and family member and my anxiety levels have increased I'm relieved to have a break from depression. To know that even though it's hard and sucky now  I feel confident enough to say that it will get better and things will be okay.

Mar. 30th, 2015

I feel myself becoming more self aware. And the more self aware I become the more I realize how changing all the bad habits I've aquired is going to take time. One habit that I choose to work on right now is to not be so hard on myself. To feel more comfortable with my body, my personality, and my intelligance. I automatically default to a negative thought about myself with just about EVERYTHING that I do. I critique anything that I view not to be perfect about myself and then I start to wonder more and more about where these habits formed. Why do I do them?

Now, other things and stuff.

Autumn is....unbelievable. She inspires so much in me. I am so hard on her. I know that. I had a realization while I was visiting John this evening that I try to control her. WAY too much.  I tell her too often of what she needs to do instead of her doing what she wants to do. Instead of letting her be her I'm trying to make her into something I want. Not intentionally....I do these things without even realizing it. It just happened to dawn on me when I was thinking about how I was when while Autumn and I were washing my car. I gave her tons of commands of how I wanted her to wash the car or spray the hose. I feel like I want her to be better than me in everyway. Growing up with insecurities, depression and anxiety can really hinder a person from personal growth.

I want to be better. I want to feel better about others. I want to not be so iritable with others. Eventually I want to feel better about myself.  I feel I have potention for things but I'm not ready to just jump and dive into it. I admire people like John who can just take take the plunge to overcome it.  It's going to take time but I'm persistant. I don't want these afflictions to hinder me from growing. I will grow more so I can set an example for Autumn.

I haven't done one of these for awhile

Leave a comment and post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.
Post anything.


A story.
A secret.
A confession.
A fear.
A love-- anything.

Be sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.



Do this for me? Please? =D

Nov. 18th, 2006

Leave a comment and post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.
Post anything.


A story.
A secret.
A confession.
A fear.
A love-- anything.

Be sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

Come on, do this for me. Please?

Gay Rights

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

Wewould like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal.There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you trulybelieve in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "GayRights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this.Thanks.

I'm all for it. This is also going to be a puplic entry for all eyes to see.

This seems fun

Leave a comment and post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.
Post anything.


A story.
A secret.
A confession.
A fear.
A love-- anything.

Be sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

Please gives this a try <33 This sounds like fun.


In other words, I'm completey stressed, depressed, worried, annoyed, aggrivated and beyond pissed off.

I feel numb.


EDIT: OK, this should work now XD. So people do it already ;_;

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